The Gods of Fashion and Shoes sure seem to have a funny sense of humour...

The past two days were filled with a lecture on my choice in men, possibly real feelings for Cheap Thrill, a guest appearance from an old flame and general overall confusion. It was not a good weekend to be my friend because their phones were going off every five minutes with calls and text messages from me. I know the Gods of Fashion and Shoes are testing me, I just really hope this isn’t the midterm, because if it is, I don’t want to know what the Final would be like.

I hadn’t seen my friend Dylan in a while but he had been keeping up on my love life through his girlfriend and my close friend Valerie. He decided to have a talk with me on Friday night. This came shortly after a stunt Cheap Thrill pulled earlier that evening.
I’ve known Dylan for years, and he’s watched the men I date come and go and sometimes come back again. He’s noticed the obvious, which all of you have probably noticed as well; I pick the bad boys, the assholes, the sociopaths and the pathological liars. He started telling me how great I was and how ridiculous these guys are for treating me badly.
I think my favourite part of the conversation was when he brought up Cheap Thrill though he said;
“You know, you’re great. I don’t understand these guys. If I was Cheap Thrill I would... I would... well I would probably be playing the field because he is really good looking and can do that kind of thing. But other than that I would definitely be trying to date you.” It was a classic moment.
I know these guys aren’t the kind you bring home to mom (Hi mom!), but we all know my issues with nice normal guys and the visions of white picket fences that flood my brain when I’m around them.

Now, onto Cheap Thrill; I don’t even know where to begin, probably with the fact that I think, but refuse to admit that I may possibly be getting real feelings for Cheap Thrill. It’s to the point where I want to share things with him, like when I got an ‘A’ on my midterm; I texted him to tell him.
We’ve been talking a lot and he’s been telling me about deep personal stuff; however Jake would tell me a lot of personal stuff and that meant zilch when everything was said and done with him.
I know I can’t use Jake as a measure on what other guys motives are because not every guy is a sociopath, but 1 in 25 actually are... how do you like that statistic?
He’s still flaky and unreliable and I have my expectations set very low for him, but lately with a minor exception of not following through on a plan, he’s actually been great.

I decided to go to Starbucks on Saturday afternoon and read a book in an attempt to keep my mind off of Cheap Thrill. I just couldn't get him off of my mind, that is until I looked up from my book and looked at the line up at the counter.
I couldn’t see his face, but I didn’t need to, I saw his hair and I instantly knew it was him... it was Jake. He has perfect timing, he just likes to pop back in just when things are going well. I stared at my book, and tried to ignore the fact that my stomach was in knots and my heart was going a million miles an hour. My hands were shaking and I tried to hold my book steady.
Even after everything, even after all I know, just seeing Jake could apparently still send me over the moon. I knew he was staring at me but I was keeping steady eye contact with my book, finally he just walked up to me.

I looked up and greeted him like I hadn’t noticed he was at the counter before. He looked great, really great. He sat down across from me while he waited for his drink and we caught up. I talked about my writing and directed him to where he could find the column that I write for my school paper... after he left I realized the last column I had turn in was about him. I’m not that concerned, because really, the worst he could think is that I’m crazy and I’m pretty sure that ship sailed a long time ago (and I mean I’ve been calling him a sociopath for the last 9 months on here so...).
I was rattled though and no longer was thinking about Cheap Thrill, the only person I could think about now Jake. I kept replaying the whole thing over and over in my head. I even went and got a Zen tea to try to mellow out. It was no use and there was no way I could focus on my book anymore.
The problem is that every time I’m sure I really like someone just as much as I liked Jake he seems to pop up like a Jake-in-the-box to remind me just how strongly I felt about him.

I don’t know where anything is going to go right now, I feel like I’m in a soap opera. Don’t get me wrong, I love it; I just wish I could get a preview of what’s to come of the next episode so that I could relax a little. But I promise, as soon as I know where things are going, you’ll know.

I like stilettos because they literally always keep you on your toes...

First off, I feel very bad for Normal Guy because he seems to like me. Now, there’s nothing wrong with liking me, but there’s something wrong with liking me and also liking long term relationships, which he does because he told me. Poor Normal Guy.

We get along quite well, but I’m not sure I can get past the visions of white picket fences in my head when I look at him. He caught me off guard and had me go for coffee with him recently, and it was good. But I couldn’t help thinking ‘am I talking too much?’, ‘does he even care about this topic?’, ‘does this shade of red nail polish make me look too trashy?’ (the answer to that last one is no, it was just trashy enough). I don’t like to have to think about that stuff when I’m talking to someone. I really just like to be able listen to my own voice, but that’s a totally different issue in itself.

Normal Guy is just so safe; he’s like a pair of sensible black flats. I mean, I like to keep them around, but they’re never my first choice in shoes.

Something surprising did happen though, after my coffee with Normal Guy, I went and met Cheap Thrill for a coffee (I really like coffee). The surprising thing was that I actually had a really good conversation with Cheap Thrill. We talked about a lot of stuff; an hour and a half worth of stuff actually.
In the last 9 months writing about Cheap Thrill, it was obvious that I was never really interested in knowing him as a person. He was perfectly good as the arrogant cheap thrill role that he played. But now I do know him as a person, and I have to say, he’s become humanized to me. He actually has feelings - who knew? And what’s more I actually like him as a person.

However, Cheap Thrill is like my new pair of Steve Madden 5” gold glitter stilettos – they look great, and you feel like you could wear them all the time – but after a really short time period they end up hurting you like hell. That’s actually the time when it’s best to have a pair of black flats in your purse to change into.

Not to worry, there is no shortage of shoes happening in my life... but I do need to figure out what to do (if anything) with the two pairs I have out right now.

My Thanksgiving Thank You... To You...

I am continually humbled by the number of page hits our little blog gets!
When I started writing this I didn't expect anyone to be interested in reading it. But for the last 9 months you've all followed my sometimes boring, sometimes overly eventful life as a bachelorette.

I often refer to this as "our blog" because it is, you are all there with me when a cheap thrill screws up or when an ex gets married. You are also the ones who have made the blog so popular by telling your friends about it!

And an extra big thank you to my friends and family who are so beyond supportive. Although now before telling me a story will say; "don't write this in your blog, I'm serious, don't." and I definitely try not to.
And we can't forget to thank all the men who continually do their best to inspire blog material. I even had one of them say "what's your blog address, I've been told it's really good, I want to read it". ha!

So again a thank you because I couldn't do it without all of you, and a special thank you to our American and Australian readers - I get to tell people that we're internationally read, that's huge!

**I'm also thankful for Madonna, Shoes, Fashion, Glitter and Fur Coats - most especially when they are all combined into the same moment.

All my love,

Becca
beccathebachelorette@gmail.com

I could fight, but I really seem to like to flight...

I don’t always end things with guys well. I don’t mean the guys that I date for a while, I mean the guys that I’ve gone on one or two dates with and I wasn’t feeling it. I really dislike telling someone that I don’t like their personality, I feel like it might hurt their feelings, moreover, I just don’t like feeling awkward and that’s an awkward conversation. I feel like in all likelihood I’m never going to have to see them again, so why ruin my day with that phone call.

There is one problem I have though and it’s when I’m caught off guard and my “fight or flight” response kicks in... I “flight”. One night I was walking down an empty neighbourhood street with a male friend of mine when a cat jumped out of the bushes... I pushed him at it and ran backward. I don’t think about my responses, they just happen, especially when I’m caught off guard and it’s someone I don’t want to see.

I had gone on a few dates with a guy and the dates were really fun, and he was very nice, but I was seeing someone else at the time that I liked more. So I just stopped answering his calls, and he left voicemails questioning why I wasn’t calling him back. Eventually they stopped and I forgot all about him, until 3 months later when I walked into a Starbucks. I had walked in through the door as someone else was leaving and there he was standing at the counter not 6ft away, directly in front of me. I didn’t have time to think I just knew I didn’t want to be there and my “fight or flight” kicked in. So I flit, I turned around to get out of there as fast as I could and... I walked face first right into the now closed door that was behind me. The good news was it didn’t turn out to be the guy I went on dates with, the bad news was I had to switch Starbucks because everyone there thought I was manic.

There was another time that I was in a grocery store shopping and I saw a guy that I had brushed off, the last thing that I wanted to do was get into a conversation with him. Without thinking I turned around as fast as I could and walked right into a gift card display that had been hanging at the end of an aisle. I knocked it to the ground and gift cards went flying everywhere, literally they were everywhere. I was in hell, as I was on the ground in my heels and skirt trying to shuffle them together I swear I could hear the guy laughing at the other end of the aisle, but I used whatever dignity I had left and didn’t look to check.

I don’t know why I always flight when I could just as easily fight. I suppose it’s because I look at my shoes as being my children, and if I’m in a situation, I just need to make sure that they get out of harm’s way. It must be my maternal instinct kicking in. Whatever the reason, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that there will be many more incidents like this in the future, I mean, I still have years of dating ahead of me...

Someone old and someone new...

Ok, so I’m a little superficial... I know you’re shocked. But it’s true, that’s what happens when you worship the Church of Madonna and pray to the Gods of Fashion and Shoes. So what’s a girl to do when she has to decide between a life she knows and loves and well... what everyone else has...

I met a guy and he’s normal, like really normal. There’s nothing eccentric about him, he’s funny, nice, smart, cute and normal. I’m just not sure that I could actually date him because he is so normal, the worst part is that I do kind of like him. He’s sort of like the guy next door, but I’m really the farthest thing from the girl next door. I’m kind of like the kid they kept locked in the attic too long and she turned a little loopy.
I feel like the playing field between us is just so uneven that I couldn’t play games with. He isn’t the type that would want to go a few rounds of “who’s the better manipulator?” with me. I think the biggest problem is that when a guy is straight up boyfriend material he makes for terrible blog material.

I’m not sure what to do about Normal Guy, I really do like him, but I really hate the idea of white picket fences, 2 dogs and a cat. Especially because animals and I don’t get along, they don’t like me because they know I like to wear fur coats. It’s a Cruella Deville thing, all she ever wanted to do was be on the cutting edge of fashion, and she's painted as the bad person. It’s like 101 Dalmatians was produced by PETA or something.

On the topic of superficial blog material I’ve talked to and seen a fair amount of Cheap Thrill in the past few weeks, yes that Cheap Thrill.
I’ve missed his outlandish cockiness, it entertains me. In an effort to get me to agree to see him a few weeks ago he reminded me that he has only 6% body fat - that didn’t so much make me want to see him as much as it made me want to go to the gym. But I ran into him on Sunday and had a quick coffee with him today, and in the midst of the midterm hell I’m in he actually had me laughing. Real laughing too, not just the laugh I do to humour people most of the time.

Who knows where things will go with Normal Guy, but for now let’s welcome back Cheap Thrill with open arms and guarded optimism, because after all he is first and foremost here for the cheap thrills.

To be a Good-time Girl...

For my friends that know me there is one thing that they all know very well – I attract married men, engaged men and men involved in a long-term relationship without even trying. For some reason, they seem to love me, literally like I have writing on my forehead that only they can see.

My sister told me it’s because I’m a “good-time girl” I tried to ignore the fact that she had just used a 1950’s word for slut. To be completely fair she went on to elaborate that it’s because I’m a fun girl, and I have an outgoing personality. My boss once told me it’s because I’m always happy and carefree and it’s the opposite of the responsibility they have at home.
I have a tendency to treat everyone the same regardless if they are men or women, so when I’m laughing and joking with a woman, it’s just laughing and joking. But somehow when I’m laughing and joking with a man, it translates into flirting and double meanings.

The thing is, if I don’t want a boyfriend or husband of my own, why the hell would I want someone else’s? This isn’t New York, and I’m not a Mistress. And every time an affair is found out it’s the women that get called out for their poor morals – ohhh k... if the woman is single it is her prerogative to do what she pleases, she is free of responsibility, she has made vows to no one. Yet they are the ones who get ridiculed and called names well men get the “boys will be boys” card.

I’ve received flowers and phone calls to my office, text messages upon text messages and as recent as last night propositional emails from men that are taken by other woman.
When I was 18 and worked as a cashier at a grocery store a regular customer would come through my till wearing his wedding ring and would continually ask me to have dinner with him.

I’ve gotten so used to it that it doesn’t even faze me anymore. I laugh and move on, although I did learn the more you turn down a taken man, the more they seem to pursue you... that is until you bring up their significant other... that seems to deter them slightly. I don’t judge the guys because I have no idea what arrangement they’ve made at home about what their allowed to do. But I do know I never want an angry wife or girlfriend tracking me down because they think it’s my fault their significant other has a wandering eye. I’m just the girl it happened to wander to, that’s all.