Enter the handsome man to stir things up…

I’m in love. Well… not really but there’s potential.

Let’s forget everything about Cheap Thrill, because his job is done. A cheap thrill is there to keep you entertained until you find someone who you actually want to date. It’s like getting a temporary car from the dealership to drive while you wait for your new car to arrive. And my new car has arrived.

I suppose I’m getting ahead of myself here, because I haven’t actually talked to this new guy... yet.
Friday night, instead of working on a report (that actually still desperately needs to be finished) I decided to go to the gym (some people may call this procrastination). The gym is always dead quiet on a Friday night, and indeed it was except there was a new addition. He was the only other person working out and the only way I can describe him is handsome. He is strikingly handsome – he is in no way pretty, he is Cary Grant/Gregory Peck handsome.
He is the type of handsome that I would marry because our children would look like the kids in the Ralph Lauren catalog.
The only other man that ever caught my attention like this was Jake, not that that worked out particularly well, but what are the odds of this guy having sociopathic tendencies too?

I would have introduced myself, but our workouts weren’t really coordinated and at risk of looking like a lunatic jumping off the elliptical to chase after him, I decided it would be better to just wait.
The positive thing about him being at the gym on a Friday night is that most people that go to the gym alone on a Friday night are single. So for the next couple of days I will be on the lookout for Handsome Man at the gym, and ease into a conversation with the classic “I’m sorry to bother you, but you look so familiar. Have we met before?”

I mean this could be a total waste of my time and Handsome Man may already have a girlfriend, or boyfriend, or be a total jerk. Only time will tell.

Until then though, I’d like to consider the best possible scenario of him being single and sane and he’s just been so busy in medical school that he hasn’t had time to date until now…
What? – A girl can dream.

"I'm not yelling, this is just the way I talk!"...

There is one word that should never be spoken to me during a fight and that word is “Relax”. Because I can guarantee that I’m really not as upset as you think I am, but as soon as you tell me to relax then I will be upset.
When I’m with a guy, fights are few and far between. It takes a lot to make me upset, and if I am upset I rationally talk about it by stating simple facts. Understandably, sometimes my simple facts may be taken the wrong way and sound harsher then I intended them to.

Jake and I only ever had one fight (his fault) and during the fight I said “you don’t possess empathy”, which is true because he doesn’t. But I was completely calm during this fight, and he came back at me with “Wow – Relax”. If we’re just going back and forth speaking in a calm manner, I don’t want you to try to turn the fight around on me and make it seem like it’s my fault and that I’m some crazy girl over reacting.
That fight ended with Jake apologizing, and for the first time admitting that he cared about me.

Now what prompted me to write this post is our favorite Cheap Thrill. On Friday afternoon he asked me a question over text message and I gave him an answer that he wasn’t happy with. I then proceeded to go into a meeting for half an hour and when I looked at my phone after the meeting he had sent me 6 text messages, some accusing me of ignoring him and the last one saying something about a friend of mine. So I simply replied to him “I was in a meeting. I didn’t realize you could act like such a prick”. – Now this may seem harsh, but it’s true, and if I was acting unbecoming for an unwarranted reason, I would expect to be told so.
So he replied “I was kidding. Are you sensitive?” – Well, no he wasn’t and we all know I’m not sensitive. Then he sent “I am bored and thrive on reaction, relax.” –there it was, that godforsaken word.
I do not need to be told to relax; I am not the one sending multiple unanswered text messages. Do not try to make this into me being an overly emotional girl, because I am not.

Everything ended well; he admitted he was acting like a child; I just wanted to make sure he understands he won’t get away with anything he usually gets away with.
If he wants a girl that’s ok with him behaving that way, well I know plenty of girls that are dumb enough to be played, and I would be happy to set him up.
Aren’t Cheap Thrills supposed to be fun? Any more drama and I’ll have to throw this one back.

If I want him to stop dating other people, does that mean that I have to stop dating other people?

So I’m reading this book and it said a very simple sentence that got me thinking. The author wrote “be the person you want to be with”. Now that’s certainly not a new idea at all, and I’ve actually heard it many times before, but this time it struck a chord.

It got me thinking who have I been when I was with guys from my past?

There was the first guy that I really dated when I was 18. He was sweet, polite, and good looking and even cooked soup from scratch. We never fought because there was nothing to fight about, he was great. And I think about the person that I was at that time; to sum it up in one sentence - I used to bake cupcakes with pink frosting for him and his roommate on a regular basis. I have nothing bad to say about this guy, he was great.

Unfortunately being as naive as I was at the time, I met a guy that was bad to his core and I was sure I could tame him. So things between the sweet guy and me ended and so did my cupcake baking habit. I often joke that this bad boy ruined me, but I was really just looking for a change of pace from being the girl that baked cupcakes.

There was nothing that was good about my time with the bad boy, that’s why they’re called bad boys. He was a moron, and just like I had nothing bad to say about the sweet guy, I have nothing good to say about the bad boy. (That’s not entirely true, I was asked last year if there was anything nice I could think of to say about him... it took me 10 minutes but I finally came up with “I liked his cologne”)

So for the past couple of years I’ve been caught up in work, not looking for anything serious, but I like to have fun. And for the past couple of years, most all of the guys I’ve dated have been career oriented and fun to be around. I’d be amiss if I didn’t mention that I’m slightly crazy, but in a good way (as a friend described it I’m “crazy-woo” as opposed to “crazy-crazy”). So yes all of the guys have been a little crazy, some more so then others, but I would rather crazy than boring any day. What am I going to write about a boring guy? We sat on the couch and watched tv, nothing happened. I’d rather be able to say we played an indoor game of soccer in his friend’s apartment and by no fault of my own the soccer ball somehow went off the balcony and into a tree 9 floors down.

So when I ‘m looking for a husband maybe I’ll start baking cupcakes again, but right now I’m perfectly happy with the men I’m with. And if I’m happy, why mess with a good thing?

My emotions are attached just fine, thank you...

“You seem emotionally detached.” That was the sentence that was spoken to me yesterday by a man that I barely know.
I sit in a class with him once a week, for 2 hours and have very rarely said anything to him. To be fair I did give a presentation about a month ago on how to break up with someone. It was just common sense stuff – like don’t break up with someone in a coffee shop because you could get burned, like literally scalded. Under extreme emotional situations some people throw things, better it be ice cream then coffee, and better to know before it happens to you.

I was standing with another girl when he came up to me to discuss my emotional vulnerability. I told him I was happy, so I’m not disconnected from my feelings, but I understand it seems odd that I don’t react like most people.
Then he told me that “it’s bad not to deal with those emotions.”
I asked him what emotions he was referring to precisely so I could understand better. He said “like during a break up”. I told him that yes, breakups are sad sometimes, but I’m not going to dwell for days on something that isn’t going to change.
Then he agreed that it’s bad to dwell, but what about during the break up; don’t I cry?
Cry about what? If someone tells me that they don’t want to date me anymore, I’m not going to beg the person to reconsider their decision. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t really want me? Why would I want to wake up thinking “are you happy with me? Are you going to break up with me again today?”
He told me that he cried once after a breakup (I sort of feel like people must think I’m a therapist of some sort). Crying is normal, but I also feel like a lot of people cry and sit in bed and eat ice cream because that’s what society has said is protocol after a breakup.

A breakup is like finishing a book. If it was a really good book and you really enjoyed it, of course you’re sad when you turn the last page and there’s nothing else written. But have you been to a bookstore lately? There are thousands of books to choose from, and sometimes you find that what you thought was the best book you’ve ever read can quickly become the second best book you’ve ever read and then the third.
And don’t forget, if you really didn’t like the way a book ended, no one will hold it against you if you rewrite your own ending.

Ha! Obviously I offend people, that's not new...

I got my first angry comment on a blog post and I haven’t been so happy since our humble little blog went into quadruple digits for page hits (thank you all by the way!).

Unfortunately our angry commenter decided to remain anonymous, but that’s ok, I’m all about anonymity.
I’m going to have to give them a nick-name for the purpose of this post though. I’ve decided on the “Commenter Really Angered by Post” – or C.R.A.P. for short.
So now that we’ve figured that out, let me tell you why C.R.A.P. has made me so happy. After reading the comment that was left, it was clear that C.R.A.P. fundamentally has a problem with me as a person, how I behave and my attitude. What makes me so happy about this is that C.R.A.P. willingly read my entire post and felt so passionate about what I had written that they had to respond to it.
The biggest compliment a writer can have is a reaction from a reader. Whether I make you laugh, smile or make you want to throw your computer against the wall, what I had to say and what you chose to read made you think. That’s more then I could ever ask for.

So C.R.A.P. I would love to take your advice to get over myself but unfortunately you’ve made me more into myself than ever. By posting an angry comment, I know even though you don’t like me, you like my writing and you come back to read it. So thank you!

Sidenote of concern for C.R.A.P. – when you wrote to me you kept typing the words “ur” and “u”, are your “y” and “o” keys defective? Was your keyboard made by Toyota? You should take that in to be looked at.

Once again, thank you everyone for your support and sharing this blog with your friends and even family, I wouldn't do this if you didn't read it!

He's pretty, that's not the problem. The problem is that he might be prettier then me...

I keep my beauty routine fairly simple. Let’s run through this so we can do a comparison.
Hair- My hair takes me about 10 minutes in the morning. No extensions.
Skin and Tanning - I moisturize. I don’t fake ‘n’ bake; I’ve accepted the fact that I’m white.
Make-up – Takes me about 7-10 minutes in the morning
Waxing – yes …
Plastic Surgery- I work with what I got and go to the gym (although I’ve been asked on different occasions if my chest and lips are real. Hey Society - should that really be a normal question for a 20-something girl?)

So there you have it - simple and natural, but always well put together.

But now, I have this overwhelming feeling that Cheap Thrill is prettier then me, and I’m not quite sure how I feel about that.
Not that I really want to date him, but all the same I’d like to feel like I put more effort into my appearance then he does.
He is clearly a big fan of waxing – the worst part is, his eyebrows are better shaped then mine are, and I kind of want to know who his esthetician is.
His hair is always perfectly styled.
He has unbelievably soft skin – which again, I don’t know if I want to ask a guy I’m seeing what moisturizer he uses.
The other day he asked me if he looked burnt from tanning, I was caught off guard and replied that yes, he looked red.
His body is definitely ripped, but he works hard for that at the gym – so no roid-rage. But when you catch a guy browsing the v-neck t-shirts on the American Apparel website, you start to worry.

I don’t have any problem whatsoever with Metro guys, I’ve just never wandered into this territory before. So, this is new. I know what you’re thinking, this guy sounds like a total chach, but trust me, if he was, I wouldn’t even be talking to him. He’s just… pretty.
So for now, I’ll let him keep decorating my world with his good looks, and see where this goes. Worst case scenario I end up with better eyebrows and softer skin.

We aren't in grade 2 anymore, there are no "take-backs"...

I change my mind a lot, I can be very indecisive. Before I leave the house, I will probably have changed my outfit at least half a dozen times. But after changing my mind and going back to Jake so many times only to have it end again, I decided that I would never go back to an ex again.

There’s only so many times you can go back to a person and pretend the problems that you’ve always had in the relationship suddenly wont be there anymore.
I was dating a guy and things were starting to head towards “in a relationship” status. I was fairly indifferent on the matter.
We were talking one day and he turned the conversation to what we were doing. I asked him what he thought and he said “I want you to be my girlfriend”. (He also said a lot of other romantic crap that quickly becomes void with the next part of the story)
I said sure, since on several occasions he had already introduced me as his girlfriend anyway.
Then I get a phone call about a week later. He said “I don’t want you to be my girlfriend anymore. But I want to keep hanging out.” To which I replied “Ok, and no, we wont be seeing each other anymore.”

He kept calling me and sending me text messages, but I wouldn’t answer them. I went out with a couple of girlfriends about 2 weeks after he had ended things. He showed up and started following me around. I ignored him until he came up to me and said; “I take it back. I miss you. I love you.” (We had never actually said I love you when we dated)
I didn’t know what to say to him, I had no words. Not because I was flattered by his proclamation, because I wasn’t. I was more embarassed for him then anything. So I didn’t say anything back except “I need to leave.”

I continued to ignore his calls until they eventually stopped. About 2 months later I ran into his best friend. We started chatting and he decided to let me in on a secret. Turns out their group of friends had a bet going and the first guy that “settled down” and got a girlfriend had to pay up a $1000. Classy.

Looking back I’m beyond happy that I didn’t go back to him. Exes are like drugs, they are always going to be there to tempt you, but remember to just say no!

Your issues are following us again…

Everyone has baggage. But there are people that pack light and can fit everything into one neat little bag and then there are people that need a separate car to follow them because they have so much.
I like to think I pack light; I don’t carry issues from past relationships into new ones. Just because the last guy I dated was a pathological liar, doesn’t mean this new one is. He hasn’t given me any reason not to trust him. But because I dated the pathological liar, I know what sort of things to look for as a warning. Every time I date a new guy it’s like taking a new class in school. And you apply what you’ve learned from one class to help you pass another. It’s like taking what you learned in English to help you write an essay for History. So from Jake I learned not to get jealous and later applied that with Nick.

If you’re able to learn from the past and move on you’ll be fine. However, there are a lot of people out there that are very poor students. Instead of learning from a relationship and moving forward, they keep the issues that plagued their past relationship and carry them into their new one. Just because your last girlfriend was cheating on you, doesn’t mean I will. And no, you can’t go through my phone. (I’ve never gone through a guy’s phone, because I would never expect him to go through mine. It’s a trust thing.)

I can’t date a guy that’s being followed by a car full of issues. Most importantly because it’s like buying something that’s already defective (there’s a reason you get 70% off on damaged goods). I want to be 100% sure that if this guy is going to end up broken, that I’m the one who did it.

I met my stalker and he is "hair doll" crazy …

I like to think that I’m the type of person that people will remember, that I leave an impression on people (sometimes not always good). But everyone always says bad publicity is good publicity. However, I didn’t quite realize the impression I’d left on a certain guy that I’d only met once.

Let me take you back to the post I wrote about getting jealous called “Jealous much?...” in the post I mentioned how when Nick was ignoring me I went and sat down at the bar and started a conversation with the really good looking guy next to me. I didn’t mention in the post, but at the end of our conversation I gave the guy my number and told him to call me sometime and we could hang out (as friends of course, because he knew I was there with Nick). I never did answer my phone when the guy called because I knew it would just cause more drama if I hung out with him. Anyways that all happened about a year ago.


So on Saturday I was supposed to be meeting a friend of mine for coffee and I was early. I took a seat and this really good looking guy was looking at me, so I flashed him a smile. He came over and asked if he could sit down and I obviously said yes. He was very nice and we chatted for about 20 minutes, then the conversation turned;

Stalker - “you don’t remember me do you Rebecca?” I don’t remember faces at all, I’m horrible like that.
Me – “no… sorry, should I?”
Stalker – “yes… we met about a year ago”
Me – “Sorry, I have no idea who you are.”
Stalker – “You were with your boyfriend, and you guys were fighting and you came over and started talking to me.”
Me – “oh god, yeah, wow I can’t believe you remember me…”
Stalker – “I remember a lot about you… I called you for 3 weeks and you never called me back…”
Me – “yeah, well… I was with my boyfriend…you know”
Stalker – “Oh yeah, how did that work out for you?” *my crazy radar is going off*
Me – “um… we broke up about a month later”
Stalker – “yeah, maybe you should have left that asshole for me.”
Me – “excuse me?”
Stalker – “Do you believe in fate?”
Me – “No.”
Stalker – “I’ve been waiting a year for this”
Me – “Oh yeah, um can you just watch my drink, I have to run to the washroom.”

Then I just left and phoned my friend to meet me somewhere else.
For a half an hour conversation a year ago I must have really left an impression on this guy I honestly don’t even remember what his name is.
Jake always hated when I talked to people I didn’t know, even in the elevator in my building. He would get really mad at me about it, not in a jealous way, but in a protective way (he was in a profession where he dealt with a lot of criminals). He told me it’s great to be friendly but to stop.

I don’t know if I’ll stop talking to strangers, because I’ve met a lot of really great people that way. But I for sure wont talk to strangers now without one hand on my personal alarm (available at the Bay).

He’s a friend of mine, you’ll love him... just please don’t ditch him at the restaurant…

There’s a reason that I don’t go out with friends of friends, and that’s because it gets messy fast. So when I break this rule I usually regret it later.
I was talking to a girl friend of mine [Angie] last night, she had set me up with a friend of hers and the date didn’t go well. Actually if you’ve been keeping up with the blog please refer back to my post “When playing crazy on a date goes wrong”.
Angie said that he called her a couple of days after the date to see what I had thought of him. She told him that I felt we would be better off as friends. She said that he was embarrassed because he felt that he did something wrong on the date (well, he did stand outside of a drugstore waiting for me after I told him to go home). Then Angie told me that he has stopped calling her, and it’s probably because he thinks I told her everything about the date (um… yeah, that story was gold. It launched this blog!). Either way, there are many things that can go wrong when you decided to date a friend of a friend, even if it’s only one date. And for me, especially if I get bored on that date because I always find a way to entertain myself.

Now, a very close male friend of mine, Hayden, introduced me to his best friend, Phil, who was in town for the holidays. He lives about 4 hours away, we hit it off and kept in touch. About 6 months after our first meeting Phil asked me to be his date to a wedding, and never passing up an opportunity to get dressed up and drink champagne I happily accepted. We had never actually been on a date, but now I was going away for the weekend with him. Everything went well for the most part actually, I had fun.
I hadn’t really told Hayden about going to the wedding with his best friend, I really didn’t see anything happening between Phil and me. And when it comes down to it, I would rather keep Hayden for a friend any day then risk our friendship to try to date one of his friends.

It was 2 weeks before the Labor Day long weekend and Phil called and asked me if I would like to come out to his cottage for the long weekend, go boating, etc. I told him maybe and that I needed to think about it.
I was talking to Hayden later that same week and he started talking about Phil. Hayden said he was mad because Phil had just invited a girl that he wanted out to his cottage for the long weekend. Surprised I told Hayden that Phil had also asked me to his cottage. Hayden said “yeah, but you said no.” and I corrected him and told him “I didn’t say no, I said maybe, but now it’s a no”.
Hayden was so entertained by this that he wanted me to phone Phil and tell him that I had decided that I was going to come out and see him for the long weekend after all, just to see what he would do. It crossed my mind, and although it probably would have been fun to watch the weekend unfold, I just didn’t care enough to travel 4 hours for it.

Dating friends of friends is messy and it’s usually the relationship with your friend that can get strained if things aren’t working out. I love my friends, that’s why I like to date people that they don’t know. This way they don’t get caught in the middle if I happen to sneak out the back door of a restaurant during dinner. It’s just better this way.

I'll put $5 down on this working out and $95 down on this ending badly...

I wouldn’t really put myself at the top of the list as someone who makes really good decisions. I’m more of a “what’s the worst that could happen?” type of girl. So the question today is; is it better to be safe or sorry?
I'll be honest, Cheap Thrill is wearing me down. I have a lot of admiration for a guy that keeps bouncing back and trying again after repeatedly being turned down, it also helps that he’s good looking.
There’s a 95% chance that I will regret going out with him later, but there’s also that 5% chance that I may not. Also keeping in mind that the guys that I’ve gone out with instead of playing it safe have given me the most entertaining stories to tell.
Cheap Thrill has gotten me to the point where I actually look forward to seeing him. He genuinely makes me laugh and smile, if for nothing else then his sheer determination to get me to like him.
He’s playing the game, but so am I, and he’s starting to seem like a worthy opponent.

So now, knowing that he’s in Category 1 and the odds of being able to move him into Category 2 are very slim, is it just better to stay safe and not even see what possibly could happen? The worst case scenario would be that I actually get attached to someone that I’ve nick-named Cheap Thrill.

I’m not going to put all my chips on the table since the odds are heavily stacked against me, but I don’t see the harm in throwing a couple of chips down and at least playing one round.
I think in the end it’s better to be sorry, because at least you tired and had some fun while it lasted. Besides, it’s really easy to pick out the women that think it’s better to be safe… they’re the ones with 14 cats.
So please place your bets now because the games are about to begin...