The past two days were filled with a lecture on my choice in men, possibly real feelings for Cheap Thrill, a guest appearance from an old flame and general overall confusion. It was not a good weekend to be my friend because their phones were going off every five minutes with calls and text messages from me. I know the Gods of Fashion and Shoes are testing me, I just really hope this isn’t the midterm, because if it is, I don’t want to know what the Final would be like.
I hadn’t seen my friend Dylan in a while but he had been keeping up on my love life through his girlfriend and my close friend Valerie. He decided to have a talk with me on Friday night. This came shortly after a stunt Cheap Thrill pulled earlier that evening.
I’ve known Dylan for years, and he’s watched the men I date come and go and sometimes come back again. He’s noticed the obvious, which all of you have probably noticed as well; I pick the bad boys, the assholes, the sociopaths and the pathological liars. He started telling me how great I was and how ridiculous these guys are for treating me badly.
I think my favourite part of the conversation was when he brought up Cheap Thrill though he said;
“You know, you’re great. I don’t understand these guys. If I was Cheap Thrill I would... I would... well I would probably be playing the field because he is really good looking and can do that kind of thing. But other than that I would definitely be trying to date you.” It was a classic moment.
I know these guys aren’t the kind you bring home to mom (Hi mom!), but we all know my issues with nice normal guys and the visions of white picket fences that flood my brain when I’m around them.
Now, onto Cheap Thrill; I don’t even know where to begin, probably with the fact that I think, but refuse to admit that I may possibly be getting real feelings for Cheap Thrill. It’s to the point where I want to share things with him, like when I got an ‘A’ on my midterm; I texted him to tell him.
We’ve been talking a lot and he’s been telling me about deep personal stuff; however Jake would tell me a lot of personal stuff and that meant zilch when everything was said and done with him.
I know I can’t use Jake as a measure on what other guys motives are because not every guy is a sociopath, but 1 in 25 actually are... how do you like that statistic?
He’s still flaky and unreliable and I have my expectations set very low for him, but lately with a minor exception of not following through on a plan, he’s actually been great.
I decided to go to Starbucks on Saturday afternoon and read a book in an attempt to keep my mind off of Cheap Thrill. I just couldn't get him off of my mind, that is until I looked up from my book and looked at the line up at the counter.
I couldn’t see his face, but I didn’t need to, I saw his hair and I instantly knew it was him... it was Jake. He has perfect timing, he just likes to pop back in just when things are going well. I stared at my book, and tried to ignore the fact that my stomach was in knots and my heart was going a million miles an hour. My hands were shaking and I tried to hold my book steady.
Even after everything, even after all I know, just seeing Jake could apparently still send me over the moon. I knew he was staring at me but I was keeping steady eye contact with my book, finally he just walked up to me.
I looked up and greeted him like I hadn’t noticed he was at the counter before. He looked great, really great. He sat down across from me while he waited for his drink and we caught up. I talked about my writing and directed him to where he could find the column that I write for my school paper... after he left I realized the last column I had turn in was about him. I’m not that concerned, because really, the worst he could think is that I’m crazy and I’m pretty sure that ship sailed a long time ago (and I mean I’ve been calling him a sociopath for the last 9 months on here so...).
I was rattled though and no longer was thinking about Cheap Thrill, the only person I could think about now Jake. I kept replaying the whole thing over and over in my head. I even went and got a Zen tea to try to mellow out. It was no use and there was no way I could focus on my book anymore.
The problem is that every time I’m sure I really like someone just as much as I liked Jake he seems to pop up like a Jake-in-the-box to remind me just how strongly I felt about him.
I don’t know where anything is going to go right now, I feel like I’m in a soap opera. Don’t get me wrong, I love it; I just wish I could get a preview of what’s to come of the next episode so that I could relax a little. But I promise, as soon as I know where things are going, you’ll know.
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