Allow me to explain my absence… I’ve been asked why I stopped writing in my blog and it’s not that I wanted to stop writing… I just stopped being inspired. See the problem was I was spending all of my time with a nice guy (this is a first for me considering I prefer the company of sociopaths).
Nice Guy is just as his name describes him. He is polite, handsome, well rounded, and good on paper. We even went to the fair. Now being who I am I couldn’t very well sit down and write to all of you “today was a wonderful day, we went to the fair and ate cotton candy, and then we went home and took a nap before dinner”. I mean I didn’t want to write about it, so what are the odds any of you would want to read about it.
While we were out on Friday night I was trying to figure out how much I actually liked Nice Guy when I spotted Jake and in an instant everything changed.
Seeing Jake was like getting hit with a ton of bricks, because even after a year just the sight of him still makes my heart race and my hands shake. I told Nice Guy that I just wanted to say hello to Jake and that I would be right back.
The first thing Jake said to me was “oh my god, look how long your hair is! I was telling you to do that for years!” (Its true, I even wrote a blog about it http://beccathebachelorette.blogspot.com/2010/02/im-not-saying-i-want-to-shave-my-head.html)
We talked for about 15 minutes, I just couldn’t tear myself away from Jake – I didn’t want to. I knew Nice Guy was waiting for me, but seeing Jake was like seeing a ghost – an unbelievably good looking ghost with great hair and a perfect smile. We talked like it was old times, like nothing bad ever went down, like I never acted crazy, like I never told him we were a broken record and I didn’t want to do it anymore.
After I went back over to Nice Guy, he wanted to leave immediately, so we did.
After we left he said “You still like your Ex.”
And I answered a very simple “Yes, I do.”
It wasn’t worth going into how it didn’t matter if i still liked him, because Jake and I would never happen again. I didn’t want to try to redeem myself with Nice Guy because as nice and wonderful as he is, I want my heart to race when I see the person I’m dating. Going to the fair just isn’t enough for me. I want passion and I want my hands to shake and I want to look at the guy and know without a question of a doubt how much I like him.
So yes, Jake and I may never happen again, but by seeing him, I was able to remember exactly what I want.
And with that I went to the grocery store yesterday and picked myself up a date for Wednesday, so I’ll let you know how it goes.
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